Mr 'K'

 

So, yeah...I started crying again. After such a long time. It's been a year since we parted and I promised myself not to see you face again. Not to open Mark Zuckerberg precious destructive page. But look at the coincidence, look how helpless I am. I had to open my Facebook again. I never thought or I always made myself believe that I won't see your face ever. It was just getting easier as the days were passing by, but just yesterday...

I broke up with myself, in search of you. I finally saw you. Those memories that would have faded away after a while, but, no...I recalled them again. Each and Every, every single one, with you.  I cried. They say time heals everything and I believed it.  At least till yesterday, just before the moment I saw your photo. The very photo in which you looked just same, as the day I saw you last. That charming photo.

In this whole time ..I had never cried.. not just a single time...I knew that time would heal me, it would fade away all those precious memories. I was getting comfortable as though I couldn't find any reason to hate you. I was making myself believe that everything would be okay....Maybe I can't let those memories go away. I thought about you, what you might be thinking.

If I say I love you.. Would you say you love me back?

Song was playing in my head. It was raining outside, such a romantic night, but I, I didn't care. I just didn't care. With every beat of music, tears rolled down my cheeks. Nose became runny. With every line of Arijit Singh songs, I remembered you.

I never listened the songs, that we sang together, that you used to sing for me, that we used to listen together. But yesterday, just yesterday, I played the song..Mayama..by Sushant kc. It felt like something piercing my heart, something heavy sticking, that wouldn't go anywhere. I kept on listening. I had Promised myself that I wouldn't see your face again...I cursed Zuckerberg.. Why would you create such a silly page that can play with human emotions?...Then I remembered how the page kept us together for such a long time. Look how stupid I was...Stupid!

One year is such a long time, but I still cried, was I healed? Couldn't that one year time heal me? Wasn't it enough? ..I tried to stop me from crying ..but I don't remember stopping. While I clicked on your profile, my hands became warm, as if I was touching you.. pointing the cursor on your face, It felt like I could feel you, while I moved my hands on the surface of mouse....again ..and again.

My friend messaged me, 'Does it hurt that much?' She asked. She was in love, curious though. 'It does, The more you love,' I said. 'Shouldn't I love him that much?,' She seemed to be worried. I thought a bit, for a while and a faint smile lit my face, then I wrote,' No, love him the most, it might just end tomorrow but love him with all your heart...Make as many memories you can, they are the most precious, Do what you want to do for him, Don't wait, do at the very moment. and...and the pain will make you realize how much you were in love.'

' Do you regret anything?' She asked again.

I didn't know, If I regret, If I really did, but I know, I know that, while he was walking ahead of me, his hands free in air, I wanted to hold those hands, tightly. While he was at the busstop after saying goodbye to me, I wanted to stop that running bus, run back to him, to say how much I loved him. And, and I always wanted to purpose him, kneeling on my knees, maybe just a flower in my hands, but I wanted to say loud,' Mr K, I Love you', while we were walking down the road. Just at the moment!

I really loved you or maybe I just do.. and a large drop of tear rolled down my cheeks, I closed my eyes.